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My First Craigslist Experience! Spoiler Alert: I Was The Sketchy One
By: Sarah Ashley
I move in two weeks. My couch is too big for my new place. I turned to Craigslist, hoping to sell it. But people on Craigslist can be so…. sketchy.
Obviously I got some weirdos asking for my full name and address, telling me they’d wire me money. There were people trying to barter with me. SOME PEOPLE THOUGHT ALL CAPS WAS NORMAL AND IF THEY BOMBARDED ME HARD ENOUGH WITH “I WILL PICK UP ASAP!!!!!!!!!” I WOULDN’T BE FREAKED OUT!!
Then there was Katie.
Sweet, simple Katie, who nonchalantly e-mailed me asking, “Is the couch still available? It’s so cute!” My pulse quickened. I was hooked. Leisurely e-mail exchanges about my comfortable couch followed playful conversation about how tall it stood. We clicked! I clarified the color. She picked a date! I lowered the price for her and she waited a week for me. The sun shone brighter. The birds chirped louder! Wednesday rolled around and I waited for gentle, sweet, not sketchy Katie to call.
To be safe, I had a few pals with me when she arrived, and she brought several of hers. The air was tense and awkward until Katie’s mustached friend said, “You guys aren’t murderers are you?” We laughed and laughed! Because if we laughed about how sketchy people can be on Craigslist, it made all of us seem less sketchy.
Then I led them up a creepy staircase. I live on the 2nd floor and the stairs are just logistically faster, but I forget not everyone knows this. So when I opened the door to the creepiest stairwell Katie had ever seen and reassured them I wasn’t a murderer, immediately I looked kind of sketchy.
We moved the couch down the hall, into the elevator, and made our way into the garage. A security guard approached us. He looked angry and when he yelled into his walkie, “I got ‘em! Stop it right there!”, I looked even more sketchy.
10 minutes later, after delightful Katie and her friends were forced to sit on their brand new couch in my garage while I was reprimanded by security for not padding the elevator, I persuaded the garage attendant to let them leave. This was followed by an awkward goodbye that involved me inadvertently asking Katie where she lived. I was officially beyond sketchy.
It was short and sweet and then Katie drove out of my life with my couch. I’m still coping with the fact that I turned out to be the sketchy one.
I’ll never use Craigslist again.
Craigslist Making Me Pay?
So uh, recently, as in today, I tried posting a classified to Craigslist.com for a Life Intern.
The descriptions was something like: Seeking experienced intern to aid me in helping reaching my life’s dreams. Best candidates will like Lost, are willing to do everything I ask, trained in karate, would never make fun of Meryl Streep even for her roles in It’s Complicated and Mama Mia, enjoys Starbucks, must NOT love dogs, must also NOT love cats, will introduce me to new awesome music that I’ll like and avoid playing me songs that I will deem unfit for any ears, love America, not a picky eater, a go-getter, makes decisions and isn’t wishywashy, knows how to clean any stain with any household concoction, can build Ikea products easily, and can multitask.
unfortunately…Craigslist was going to make me PAY $25 for that listing.
WHAT A RIPOFF CRAIG!!! TELL YOUR LIST TO S A D.
that said, i’m still seeking an intern. forward resumes and cover letters to comedyoferas@gmail.com.
-d
The Era
We are Dara & Sarah!
We are Chicago comedians, students of improv, commentators on life, liberty and the eclectic quirkiness that is this time. We are THE ERA.
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